So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
