i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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