So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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