So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
