I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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