when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
