Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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