I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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