WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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