I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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