After last night, I could never be a politician.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize