So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
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Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
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If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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