We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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