i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
