I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
