I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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