Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
