I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
