I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
