I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
