when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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