I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
