my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
