I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
