I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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