Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My feet surprised me
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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