Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
