so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
