fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
