Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
