it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
