Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
