I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
