Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
