I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
