dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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