If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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