you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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