we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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