maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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