I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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