why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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