thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
