Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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