Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
