He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
