woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
