somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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