I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
True strength comes from lack of pants
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
