her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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