my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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