He asked to "fluff my boner.."
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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