are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
