jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize