I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
