Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
