I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
