I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
