Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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