dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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