So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
