I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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