I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
