i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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