how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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