It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
