You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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