i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
