Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
A+ Viking dick
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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