You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
