I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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