why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
