How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize