dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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