1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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